You are now averaging three hours’ sleep a night.

Lettermen is a familiar nocturnal friend and DH has confiscated your credit card because you’re barely avoiding being sucked in by a range of early morning infomercials.

For some reason you feel compelled to invest in an ab-roller despite the fact your own abs are now measuring almost 40 inches in circumference and the idea of doing a sit-up is just plain ludicrous.

Sleeping becomes harder and harder as you find no matter which way you roll there is a tiny body in your way.

DH has taken to sleeping on the sofa upstairs so that he can drag himself to work each day.

Your only recreation is sitting back and watching your tummy convulse as the babies arm wrestle for the best position.

Then, one night it happens. You’ve tossed and turned for five hours without a wink of sleep. You are far more uncomfortable than usual and the abdominal pain is gathering strength.

You dread contacting the doctor in the middle of the night and then being accused of being a panic merchant, but it’s now reached the point where you have to do something.

You ring the labour ward for advice. After mentioning you are 32 weeks pregnant with twins and experiencing prolonged abdominal pain, they suggest you come in immediately.

You realise you haven’t packed a hospital bag and wake DH from his slumber.

At the hospital you are placed on monitors which indicate contractions are taking place, but not consistently.

A shot of pethidine and at 5am you finally fall asleep in the birthing suite.

The doctor recommends two days in hospital, but you wake up three hours later feeling 100% better.

They have trouble finding you a room and the birthing suite is needed urgently so you talk the nurse into letting you go home.

You visit the doctor and to your relief he says he will take the babies at 38 weeks.

You wish it was sooner, but after spending the previous eight months in fear of these babies arriving early, you know that every day they spend with you gives them a better start in life.

Despite this, you look at your belly-button – which has clearly shifted camps from inny to outy – and wonder how you can possibly get any bigger.

With a sigh you accept the fact that you will, and another trip to buy clothes sees you taking home a pair of very attractive XXXL men’s pyjamas. It’s okay though. Pinstripes make you look thinner…don’t they?!?

The stretching pain in your lower abdomen and the back pain seem to have reached epic proportions.

It is easier to just stay in bed and scribble floor plans for your dream home, cursing the day you thought buying a narrow three-storey townhouse was a good idea.

You visit the bathroom a dozen times a day, but it’s reached the point where you consider those 12 steps to the bathroom so hard, you actually consider each one as a cross-country trek.

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